PoGAYmon
Part 1
Brian Hahn
This fanfic is based on the Pokemon series but much nastier and funnier plus
all the names for everything is different like Ash is Ass and Pikachu is
Dikachu. Comedy fic... I'm not sure if it should be a R fanfic or PG-13 but
you can evaluate it and stuff.
OK I don't own gamefreak or nintendo or anything related to pokemon, this is
my first fanfic and I was really bored... I also dislike pokemon but its
just so damn funny so I wrote this lil fanfic okay? I also know how to spell
damn. ENJOY!!!
PoGAYmon
OK I don't own gamefreak or nintendo or anything related to pokemon, this is
my first fanfic and I was really bored... I also dislike pokemon but its
just so damn funny so I wrote this lil fanfic okay? I also know how to spell
damn. ENJOY!!!
Announcer: HOT DAYMN!! What a battle were seeing here folks!! Gay-J Humplik
has
just recalled Cecil, his Nidoran Gay and has just sent out Cloud his Cuboner
to face his
opponents Ditz.
Gay-J: Cloud use your boner attack now!!!
Announcer: Amazing! Gay-J's Cuboner has just knocked out his opponent Ditz!
And
what's this? His Cuboner is glowing!!
Gay-J: Huh?
MaroWACK: MaroWACK!! WACK!!!
Announcer: Amazing!! Gay-J's Cuboner has just evolved to MaroWACK!! And his
opponent has just chosen to use her Penusaur!!
Opponent: Penusaur use your Vine Spank attack!!!
Penusaur: Penus penusaaaaaaur!!
Announcer: HOT DAYMN!!! Penusaur is spanking MaroWACK with it's vines!!!
(TV shuts off)
Ass: Hey Mom!!!
Narrator (that's me!!): Ass Screwem is a 10 year old boy who dreams of
becoming a
PoGAYmon master.
Ass: And now that I'm ten I can finally get my PoGAYmon license!!! (Does the
finger)
Ass's mom: Now young man it's your bed time!!!
Ass: But how can I sleep when I'm getting my first PoGAYmon tomorrow?
Ass's mom: Well if your going to watch something watch this (changes it to
beginners
PoGAYmon introduction thingy) Goodnight!
Ass: Now tomorrow I will get my first PoGAYmon... I declare to all the
PoGAYmon in
the world I will catch you!!!
Narrator: We'll see about that heheheehehehe :)
Ass: What was that? O well...
(Professor Oak Tree starts speaking)
Professor Oak Tree: Good evening beginning PoGAYmon trainers tomorrow is your
big
day and you will have a choice of choosing between these three PoGAYmon...
Boobysaur both a grASS and a tit type PoGAYmon... Urkel a Turd and water type
PoGAYmon... and CUMander a cum and gas/fire type PoGAYmon... We have plenty
of
each so don't worry you'll just have to choose which one you want...
(mumbling) stupid
lil brats how in da hell did I get this job!!
Camera man: Umm Professor Oak Tree we're still rolling...
Professor Oak Tree: What??? uh heh HOT DAYMN TURN IT OFF!!!
(later that night while Ass is sleeping)
Ass: Hmmmmm Boobysaur that's just the perfect PoGAYmon... Boobysaur I choose
you!!!!
Boobysaur: (winks)
Ass: Hmmmmm Urkel might just be the one... Urkel I choose you!!!
Urkel: (scratches crotch)
Ass: Hmmmmm CUMander that's the way to go... CUMander I choose you!!!
CUMander: (farts)
(while sleeping Ass picks up his alarm clock and throws it like PoGAYball)
DRINNNNNNGGGG!!!!
Ass: WAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! HOT DAYMN!!! O no I'm late!!! (runs out of house with
a big cloud of smoke trailing behind him) Boobysaur... Urkel... CUMander
anyone is fine
just save one for meeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!
(In front of Professor Oak Tree's lab)
Cheerleaders: Gayman Gayman like he's our man like if he can't do it well
like no one can
like can!!!!
Gayman: (in a gay voice) I Gayman Oak Tree grandson of the great Professor
Oak Tree
declare to the world that I will be the greatest PoGAYmon master. And don't
judge me!!
Crowd: GAYMAN GAYMAN GAYMAN!!!
Ass: WAAAAA (bumps into Gayman)
Gayman: HEY WATCH IT SEXY!! HOT DAYMN your cute!!
Ass: Get off of me!!! Owww so your Gayman??
Gayman: That's Ms. Gayman to you mista sexy and anyways I got my first
PoGAYmon
and you don't have one and my PoGAYmon is pink and pretty and cuddly OOOoOOO I
think that I just had an orgasm.
Ass: OH GOD are you gay?!! Hey may I ask what PoGAYmon your got?
Gayman: Well hot stuff if you really want to know well I just got the bestest
PoGAYmon
in the whole widest world, and GOD why do you have to like judge me!! Well
hot stuff
now I start my quest to be the bestest!! (rides off in his pink jigglyDICK
car with his
lesbian cheerleaders)
Ass: Hot daymn that's a gay guy right there. Man I need to get my PoGAYmon!!!
(runs inside of Prof. Oak Tree's lab)
Oak Tree: Wow you actually showed!!
Ass: PLEEEEEESE say you saved a PoGAYmon for meee PLEEESE!!
Oak Tree: OK OK OK follow me!! (shows him to room)
Ass: Oh yeah Prof. is your grandson gay?
Oak Tree: Like why do you have to judge him sweety cakes?
Ass: (whispers to himself) guess it runs in the family...
Oak Tree: So sweety pie pick your PoGAYmon!!
Ass: how come he wasn't gay on TV? Hmmm well I've thought long and hard
about it and
I choose... URKEL!!! (opens pogayball but nothing is inside)
Oak Tree: Sorry groovy man but they're all gone...
Ass: That's ok than I choose.... BOOBYSAUR (opens pogayball but nothing is
inside)
Oak Tree: No you see they're ALL gone...
Ass: THAN I CHOOSE CUMANDER!! (opens pogayball but nothing is inside)
Oak Tree: HOT DAYMN DIDN'T YOU HERE ME I SAID THEY ARE ALL GONE!
Ass: WAAAAA!!! No way you cheap bastard! You said there was enough for
everybody.
Oak Tree: Well I ran out of fire wood so I used a CUMander and I kinda gased
it out heh.
Ass: Please Prof. Oak Tree there has to be a PoGAYmon for me...
Oak Tree: Well sexy there is one more but it's like a total defect and it
won't even let me
violate it like GOD.
Ass: Uhhhhhhhhhhhh okeeeee but I'll take it I don't care if it won't f*ck
you uh heh
please I need a PoGAYmon...
Oak Tree: Ok cutey but I warned your tight lil ass... (presses a button and a
pogaymon
comes out)
Dikachu: Dikaaaaaaaa chu? kachuu dika??
Ass: Wow it's sooo cute o my god now I sound like gayman o well I'm not gay
(picks up Dikachu)
Narrator: Hmmmmm Dikachu seems to like Ass Screwem... I'll change that!
Dikachu: DIIIKAAAACHUUUUUUU!!!!
Ass: WAAAAAAAA!!!! THAT WAS A SPASM BOLT!!!
Oak Tree: Here are you PoGAYballs and your PoGAYdex and few a few potions good
luck!! (spanks Ass and grabs his ass for like 5 seconds)
Ass: I'M OUTTA HERE!!!
(outside)
Crowd: Ass Ass go go go ASS!!!!
Ass: Huh?
Ass's mom: Wow your finally on your quest to be a PoGAYmon trainer I will
miss you...
O YEAH I also packed clothes your whitey tightys...
Ass: MOM!!
Ass's mom: O sorry honey HEY is that your PoGAYmon? wow that thing is HOT!!
Ass: (am I the only one in this stupid retro world that's not gay)
Narrator: Just about!!
Ass: DAYMN!!
Dikachu: DikaCHAAAA
Ass's mom: O yeah I need to give this to you... (hands him a necklace with a
blue
pendant with a scratched carving on it saying STRAIGHT) This was your
father's and has
special powers that will keep you safe from all evil/gayness.
Ass: Thanks mom it looks really cool!
Ass's mom: HOT DAYMN HOW DARE YOU SAY IT LOOKS COOL!!! SAY IT
LOOKS LIKE A DIRTY PIECE OF SHIT!! GOD!! oh what have I done I've raised you
so badly.
Ass: .........?
Dikachu: DIKA? man I need to stretch CHUUUU!!! (lets out a spasm shock)
Crowd: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Ass: Well goodbye...
Narrator: Just to tell you this isn't like pokemon ok? Ass isn't a total
loser like Ash he can
actually catch PoGAYmon and he's smarter too plus I think Ash looks gay with
those
dirty cheeks or whatever... Lets see... I haven't given you a description of
Ass yet... Well
he has hair like Quatre from GUNDAM WING except its dark brown and kinda his
face
and he has clothes that actually look cool... well I'll let you guys decides
what you think is
cool since I wont be making any artwork and he is like average size and gay
guys have a
thing for him... OK BACK to the story!!!
(in the open meadows near retro town.. wow that sounds gay!)
Ass: Hey Dikachu can you come over hear I wanna analyze you.
Dikachu: Dika??
Ass: (points PoGAYdex at Dikachu)
PoGAYdex: Dikachu a spasm and electric type PoGAYmon this PoGAYmon is one of
the
few that can have more than 4 attacks and has many powerful attacks but is
weak against
extreme gay PoGAYmon. This PoGAYmon usually stays out of it's PoGAYball and is
very independent. This PoGAYmon is pretty advanced and is hard for even
experienced
trainers to control.
Ass: I REALLY WISH I HAD JUST GOTTEN A F*CKIN URKEL!!
Dikachu: DIIIIIIKKKKAAAAAAAAA CHUUUUUUU!!! (spasm shocks Ass)
Ass: WAAAAAAAAAAA!!! HOT DAYMN THAT THING IS STRONG!! Hmm o Well
c'mon Dikachu lets go.
(Dikachu reluctantly follows Ass wondering why he doesn't wanna screw it)
Ass: HEY WHAT'S THAT??
(points SEXY his pogaydex's name toward a shadowy figure)
SEXY: Piky.. a bird type picky PoGAYmon it is a very docile and an easy
PoGAYmon to
catch. Also likes to pick other PoGAYmon's ass cracks.
Ass: All right!! GO DIKACHU!!!
Dikachu: DIKA??
Ass: Huh Dikachu please at least shock it or something...
Dikachu: DIKA DIKA? chu... KACHU!!
Narrator: Dikachu finally realizes ASS doesn't wanna F*ck him that's why
It's happy.
Dikachu: DIIIKAAA CHUUUU!!!!! (uses a spasm shock)
Piky: PIKY!!! (faints)
Ass: PoGAYball GOOO!!!!
(the ball is knocked away by another bird)
SEXY: PIKYOTTO the evolved version of PIKY they are very protective of their
young
and are very violent. The also occassionally violate their young.
Ass: O yeah Dikachu SPASM BOLT!!
Dikachu: DIIIKAAAA CHUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!
Pikyotto: Pikyoooo!!!!!! (lies on the ground)
Ass: PoGAYball GOOO!!
(ball envelopes pikyotto and catches it)
Ass: YEAHHHH!!! I CAUGHT MY FIRST PoGAYmon!!
Dikachu: DIKA!! (flips off a tree)
(the piky suddenly gets up)
Piky: PIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!
A huge flock of SpearOHHHs come out of nowhere
Ass: What are those? (points SEXY at a spearow)
SEXY: SpearOHHH a bird PoGAYmon... These PoGAYmon are very short tempered but
are weak against certain attacks that make the SpearOHHH have orgasms. (hence
the OH)
Ass: Oh no I always hated birds!!
Dikachu: DIKAAA
Ass: HOT DAYMN let's get the hell outta here!!!
(Ass and Dikachu run for their virginity)
Ass: Don't worry Dikachu I'll save you...
Dikachu: Cha dika dika dika CHAAA!!
Ass: Hey don't go trash talking me you lil runt before I stick the PoGAYball
up your...
SpearOHHHs: OHHHHH OHHHH OHHHHHH!!!!!
Ass: That's it!!! (takes out pogaymon porno mags and throws them at the
spearohhhs)
(thinking) I'm sure glad my mom packed these.
Narrator: hheeeheeeheee I don't buy that pokemon pikachu killing all the
spearows thingy.
Ass: HOT DAYMN that was close.
Dikachu: Dika di...
Ass: Hey what's that?
SEXY: MagiCRAP a really weak and worthless PoGAYmon almost to easy to catch
and
the only good that comes from it is when it evolves.
Ass: Hey this one looks like it's a pretty high level... Let's see if I can
make it evolve!
PIKYOTTO GO!!
Pikyotto: pikyooo!!!
Ass: Pikyotto were gonna weaken MagiCRAP and than your going to lose ok?
Pikyotto: Pii?
Ass: Just do it! Pikyotto use your Pick ass attack!!
Pikyotto: Pikyoooo (picks MagiCRAPPS ass with it's beak)
MagiCRAP: CRAP!!!
Ass: Pikyotto suicide attack!!
Pikyotto: ahhhh!!!!
MagiCRAP: crap? crap crap CCCCRRRAAAAAPPPPP!!
Ass: NOW PoGAYball GO!!!
(ball envelopes MagiCRAP)
Ass: Now let's see if it worked... (opens pogayball)
Gayrados; GAY GAY ROAAAAARR!!!
SEXY: Gayrados a dragon PoGAYmon... this PoGAYmon is gay and is extremely
powerful.
Ass: Yeah we did it Dikachu!!
Dikachu: Dika di? CHU!!
Narrator: Little does Ass know I feel mean so I'm going to throw him into a
waterfall.
Ass: AHHHH Dikachu hang on!! (grabs Dikachu)
Dikachu: CHAaAA!!
Narrator: As Ass and Dikachu hit the bottom of the waterfall they go down
some rapids
and Dikachu is badly injured.
Dikachu: (hits rock) DIIIKAAAA!!!
Narrator: HEHEHE abuse the PoGAYmon!!
Ass: Oh no Dikachu!!!
(A really hot call girl is having a picnic by herself)
Hot girl: Oh wow what a hot uhhh day uhh wow I'm SOO sweaty ooooohh.
(Suddenly Ass hits a rock with is shaped like a ramp and flys onto the girl)
Hot girl: OOHHH man that felt goood ahhh!! WOW there is a God!! Huh wow a
PoGAYmon but it's badly injured. Are you ok?
Dikachu: Dika...
Hot girl: I wasn't talking about you I was talking about this fine ass
trainer you got here
oooohhh what a tight ass..
Ass: HELP ME PLEEESE I NEED HELP FOR MY POGAYMON.
Hot girl: Well perky ass if you must know there's a town with a PoGAYmon
center not
far from here. It's over there (points somewhere)
Ass: THANK YOU (steals her bike)
Hot girl: Hey that's my bike!!!
Ass: I'll give it back later!! (rides off)
Ass: It says here on the map the town I'm headed for is Virginity City...
hahahaha the city
of virgins HAHAHA what losers.
Dikachu: AHHHH
Ass: Oh no Dikachu is losing blood fast I gotta get to the PoGAYmon center
and FAST!
Narrator: what will happen? Will Dikachu die? (yeah rite) will Ass make it in
time? (no
duh!!) Will he become a PoGAYmon master (nope oops I mean you'll have to see)
Cause
who knows what there will be just beyond the gay horizon...
TO BE CONTINUED...